A Little Beyond Hope Read online

  “What’s going on?” Lonnie asked, looking between Grace and me. He was suddenly standing straight again, looking as hurt as I felt. “The wedding’s off?”

  “It’s not off,” Grace said, sounding a lot like me when I’d explained this same situation to Matt only minutes earlier. “They’re postponing.”

  Lonnie’s eyes ran wildly around the room for a few long seconds. No one said or did anything as he stopped to let this latest news sink in. We’d blindsided him with this news, and he was having just about as hard a time digesting it as I had. Poor Lonnie looked a lot like how I’d imagined myself looking when Luke originally broke the news.

  “Lonnie,” I said, lowering my voice to a near whisper as I tried to explain the situation. “I know it’s a lot to take in, and I don’t expect you to understand everything right now.”

  As much as I loved Luke’s father, I knew that he’d be a lot easier to dupe. The last thing I wanted to do was lie to him, but I couldn’t dare tell him the whole truth. I couldn’t tell Lonnie that his son was considering a job in another city—even if the other city was only thirty minutes away. He and Luke had spent so many years apart, and now that they’d finally developed a strong relationship, I refused to tell him that his son was leaving again. I wouldn’t do that. If Luke took another job in another town, it would fall on his shoulders to break that news to Lonnie. I wouldn’t dare break that man’s heart.

  “Luke’s got a lot going on at work, and I’m buried with school right now,” I said, telling him what I thought he needed to hear. “We need a little break from planning the wedding, that’s all. We’ll get right back to planning and dreaming the moment our schedules clear up.”

  “But,” Lonnie’s mouth gaped open a little wider. He was at a complete loss for words as he struggled to find an argument. After a few frustrated breaths, he dropped his hands flat to his sides and shrugged. “Okay, so you’re busy.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But you need to understand that if you two are waiting for the perfect time, it’s never going to happen. You’ll never find it.”

  “Well, it’s more like—”

  “There will always be a million reasons not to do it,” Lonnie argued, still remaining relatively calm given how quickly my cousin had overreacted. I turned to look at Matt, only to see him nodding in agreement to everything Lonnie had to say. “If you two really love one another, then you’ll just have to get over it. Work through the packed schedules and the long days and nights. Plan the wedding, get married, and get on with the rest of your lives.”

  “Lonnie, it’s more complicated than that.”

  “Life gets in the way sometimes, I know,” he said. “But you can’t allow a busy schedule to stand between you and your heart’s desire.”

  “I know,” I said, frustrated that Lonnie’s argument felt a lot like the one I’d played in my head when Luke explained his position. Unlike Lonnie, though, I’d never vocalized by concerns. Luke would’ve thought I was crazy. There was no way I could’ve told him that my biggest fear was that there’d never be a right time, and that we’d just end up postponing it again and again for the rest of our lives.

  “Lonnie, hon,” Grace said, resting her hip on the counter next to him. She stared at her husband, her eyes full of love and concern—just as they always were. She extended her hand and rubbed his back with a few gentle strokes. “We’ve talked about this, remember?”

  “Hmm?” he looked to her, his interest piqued.

  “Just like Rebecca had every right to give up the baby,” she said quietly, looking behind her to make sure his daughter hadn’t overheard. “Lucas and Julie have every right to do as they wish. It isn’t up to us to make decisions for them.”

  “I’m not trying to make decisions for them,” he said. “I’m only trying to sway—”

  “Well, stop swaying,” she said, giving him a light peck on the cheek. “They’re doing what they feel is right for the moment, and it’s up to us to support their decisions.”

  “Grace—”

  “Lonnie,” she said, taking the same stern tone with him that he’d given her. Her husband was undoubtedly one of the most stubborn men I’d ever known in my life, and Grace had an incomparable ability to put him in his place when it needed to be done. “You can have an opinion on the matter, but you will keep that opinion to yourself. Understood?”

  “Yes,” he said, biting his lip, and still, even through his tight-lipped response, I could sense a smile fighting to break through. I loved that about Lonnie. Even in his frustration, Grace could always bring out the best in him. He cornered another look at me, seeming almost hopeful that he’d said something that might’ve changed the outcome of our discussion.

  “Sorry,” I shrugged. “We’ll keep you posted, okay?”

  “Okay,” he said to himself, shaking his head. He picked up a receipt and went back to punching numbers in the calculator, resuming the job he’d started before Matt and I walked through the door and turned his day upside down. He peeked over the tops of his reading glasses and stared at me for a second, and then a small smile crossed his lips. “You’re still my favorite daughter.”

  “I heard that!” Rebecca yelled from the back room, and Lonnie and I shared another smile.

  “You’re going to get yourself in trouble if you keep saying things like that,” I said, pointing a finger at him.

  He leaned closer and whispered, “I can’t help it if it’s true.”

  “We’re out of here,” I said, giving him a playful wink. “The clouds are getting dark, and Matt’s worried the sky’s going to open and eat us alive.”

  “Have you seen it out there?” Matt asked, chiming in for the first time since we’d walked into the shop. “It looks like something straight out of a horror film.”

  “It’s odd, I’ll give you that,” Grace said, looking out the large storefront window. “But there was nothing in the forecast about rain, last I checked.”

  “I don’t care what the news says,” Matt said, casting a glance out at the sky. “I know rain when I see it—the smell, the feel. It’s in the air. It’s coming.”

  “Ease up on the crazy, Mattie,” I said, opening the door. “It’s just a few dark clouds.” With a half-wave to Lonnie and Grace, I turned out, holding the door for my cousin to follow. “Later gators!”

  Chapter Two

  “Thank you for calling Grace today.”

  Luke turned from the simmering pan on the stove and flashed a wide smile. I sat at the center island in our home on Silhouette Drive, watching as he made his way around the kitchen like a pro. He did that a lot—putting his basic culinary skills to work. He couldn’t hold a candle to the skills my cousin had once shown off at every given chance, but Luke still knew what he was doing when it came to food … which was a whole heck of a lot more than I could say for myself.

  “I won’t lie,” I said, looking down at my hands. “I was scared to break the news to them.”

  “I told you last night that you didn’t have to do that, Jules,” he said. “It wasn’t your responsibility. I had every intention of telling them myself.”

  I nodded. I knew Luke hadn’t expected me to run all over town and cancel all of our wedding plans on my own, but we’d set the date so soon that it didn’t give us much time for waiting around. We had to put a stop to all of the plans we’d made, and I couldn’t go around canceling invitations at the printer or putting our cake on hold at the bakery until all of our family members knew what was going on. In a town as small as Oakland, news traveled far too fast. We didn’t have the option to sit around and wait … and I hadn’t had much faith that Luke would call his family right away. I just wanted to do it and get it over with.

  “Are you sure you’re not hungry?” he asked, avoiding any more talk about the postponement of the wedding. “There’s plenty here.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I said, sliding off the stool. I pulled a single plate from the cupboard and stopped at the silverware drawer
to retrieve a knife and fork. I set them on the island counter in front of Luke’s usual seat. It was a familiar routine for us; we rarely ever took advantage of our dining room at the back end of the house. There was something especially nice about cozying up in the close quarters of our eat-in kitchen. “It smells great, but I promised Mattie I’d come back home for dinner tonight. I think we’re gonna kick back and watch some movies. Charlie’s at the station for the rest of the evening and since you’re leaving town …”

  I sat down again, and my words trailed off as I looked out the small window at the front of the kitchen. It wasn’t until Luke slid into the stool next to mine that I’d realized that I hadn’t completed my thought.

  Luke spoke again before I had a chance to. “You’re not upset that I’m leaving, are you?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “No, not at all. I didn’t mean to go quiet; I was just thinking.”

  “About?”

  “Well,” I said, watching as he took his first bite. “You know I don’t have to go back over to the house tonight. If a better offer came along for the weekend, Matt would happily keep an eye on Elvis for a couple of days.”

  Luke’s eyes widened, and he started to look too much like his father, sitting there and trying to fight a stupid-cute smirk. “What are you saying, Jules?”

  “I just don’t want you to think that I’m not free to tag along, that’s all.”

  “It’s a tempting offer, but—”

  “Let me come with you,” I begged. “It’s a long drive to Piqua without company.”

  “You’re right, it is, but—”

  “Six hundred miles on the road will give us plenty of time to talk,” I said, eager to throw out as many positive selling points I could think of. “It could be fun! We could make stops for food—have little mini-dates along the way. And I promise I won’t nag you about the speed limit, and I won’t even touch the radio.” He smiled at my empty promises. “Take me with you. Please?”

  Luke sighed and raked his fingers back through his overgrown hair, only pushing it away from his eyes for a few short seconds before it bounced back again. I already knew what that meant. He was going to say no.

  “I’ve driven that route alone many times, Jules.”

  “I know, but—”

  “No,” he said. “Not this time, okay?”

  “Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, hurt that even after all of this time, Luke was still comfortable handing out orders. “Okay.”

  “You’re upset.”

  “I’m not,” I promised. “It’s fine.”

  Even though I’d tried hard to sell him on the idea, I hadn’t gotten my hopes up; I already knew from the very beginning that he wasn’t going to let me go traipsing off to Piqua—no matter the circumstances. I’d known simply by the fact that he was doing exactly what he’d always done—looking out for my best interest. It was in his eyes, buried deep beneath that smiling facade he didn’t want me to see through.

  Even as he sat there eating, Luke was reflecting, remembering the last time we’d made that drive to his grandmother’s hometown. He’d had me in tow, not the slightest bit happy about the situation we were in. With Conan Milton on the loose and out of prison, my life was in grave danger, and that meant fleeing Oakland was the only viable option to secure my safety.

  It’d been so long ago, but even time hadn’t allowed those few nightmarish days to become distant memories. I still thought about it everyday—the fear, the pain, the way Conan’s lifeless body fell to the floor right in front of my eyes.

  I shivered, catching Luke’s attention again.

  “Please understand where I’m coming from,” he said, turning to me. He moved a stray hair away from my face and met my eyes. “Please?”

  I nodded. Even though I knew the circumstances were different this time, returning to Piqua would only invite too many unwelcome thoughts. Nothing would keep my mind from running a constant replay of the events that’d shaken my life forever. After my last stay there, there were too many what-ifs. Walking back into that cabin, being confined to those same walls, under that roof again … could I survive it? Would I manage to walk through that front door without the memories flooding back? Would those nightmares leave me to deal with the trauma all over again?

  I didn’t know for sure; I couldn’t know. Luke would never let me close enough to Piqua to find out. And even though I’d offered to tag along, and I really wanted him to say that I could, I couldn’t help but consider some of the same questions I knew were plaguing Luke’s mind. I’d worked so hard to overcome the stress and trauma I’d experienced at the hands of Conan Milton. Reopening the past could be a devilish endeavor. I didn’t want that, did I?

  I had to commend Luke for putting his foot down. He only wanted what was best for me.

  “It’s a short trip,” he promised, lowering his eyes.

  “I know.”

  “And I’d give anything to have you come with me, Jules, you know that. But you need to stay here. This is the safest option for you.”

  “Safest option for me, or for my sanity?”

  “Will you hate me for choosing the latter?”

  I smirked. “So what’s your plan, exactly?”

  Luke straightened in his stool, seeming happy that we’d finally gotten off the subject of me tagging along.

  “Gran’s already sent most of her stuff to the condo,” he said. “Her new place is ready and waiting, the sale of the cabin is final, and I’m simply going there to see her off at the airport.”

  I studied his face for a moment longer, waiting for the slightest expression to allude to sadness. Luke, though, never showed a single sign that he was upset by his grandmother’s decision to relocate once and for all. Instead, the smile etched on his face told another story entirely: he was happy for her—happy that she’d finally decided to do what she’d talked about doing for a decade. For years he’d watched her go back and forth, traveling to Florida every autumn to escape Piqua’s brutal winters, but she’d always come home for the summer.

  Knowing that her trips back would only decrease or cease altogether, I’d expected a little more sadness from him. After all, he was losing the last remnant of his mother’s family. His grandmother’s decision to sell the cabin couldn’t have been easy for either of them. It was his home away from the home, the place his own mother had grown up; he’d spent much of his own childhood playing beneath that roof. Even as an adult, Luke made summers in Piqua a priority. And now all of that was going to disappear for good.

  “Luke, are you sure you don’t want me to come?” I asked, knowing that his trip to Piqua may end up being a lot more emotional for him than he’d allowed himself to consider.

  “You stay,” Luke said softly, pressing a tiny kiss to the tip of my nose. “If I need to have a good cry, I promise I’ll call.”

  I nodded and held back a breath. “I’ll miss you.”

  “It’s only a weekend, kid,” he said. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

  Chapter Three

  “What’s on the menu for the night?”

  “You’re asking me?” I asked, shutting the front door as I stepped inside. Luke was already off to Piqua for the weekend, and I hadn’t wasted any time returning to the house to meet Matt for our scheduled movie night. “How ‘bout you let your dear cousin get through the door before you start hounding her with questions.”

  “It was one question,” Matt said, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. He sat in the living room, slumped into his familiar spot on the couch, seeming as though he’d been waiting around for me to finally arrive. He turned to me and asked again, “what’s for dinner?”

  “You’re in murky water there, Matt,” I said, hanging my jacket and purse on the coat rack just inside the front door. “You already know if I make the final call that we’re gonna end up ordering a pizza. You and I both know that’s not what you want. So how ‘bout you just save us both some time and just tell me what it is that you’d like to do f
or dinner.”

  “Ugh,” he groaned and focused his attention back on the TV. His groan, from what I could tell, was meant more for the programming than my motion that he offer up a suggestion for dinner. He grumbled at the TV again, and I snuck a look at the screen. The channel kept cutting in and out, interrupting whatever show he was trying to watch. “Damn weather.”

  “It’s not the weather.” I settled into the opposite end of the couch, pulling a blanket off the back and throwing it around me. “A few ominous clouds won’t screw with the satellite.”

  “Few ominous clouds,” he said under his breath. I didn’t have to look at him to know he’d rolled his eyes. Just the thought of him doing that made me roll mine. “We’re in for a storm, Julie. There’s something going on out there.”

  “There’s nothing going on. I was just out there.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Just stop, okay? I don’t understand what’s going on with you lately, but it’s getting old fast.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your attitude! When did you become so pessimistic, Mattie?” I asked. I took the remote from his hands and started flipping through channels. Whatever was wrong with the one channel suddenly seemed wrong with all of them. The picture was choppy, cut and divided by gray and black lines. It was probably the satellite. Uncle Charlie could fix it when he got home. “Weird.”

  “Not really,” he said, reclaiming the remote. “It happens all the time when it rains.”

  “It’s not raining.”

  “Yet.” He smacked the remote against the palm of his hand as if that would somehow help the picture clear up. “Where did we land on dinner?”

  “Gee, I don’t know, but here’s a crazy thought,” I said. “You know a thing or two about cooking, right? How ‘bout you get your butt in the kitchen and make something for a change?”